How my mind works

Last Friday, I had a break down. As the long sing “can’t find my balance in my mind, I must be missing the point”. I felt like I already talk to everybody about my struggles, but no one hits the point.

I was crying sitting on the evacuation stairs, my brains was passing all the options, talk to HR, fight with my boss, talk to more friends… no, nothing works, none of these hits the point. Then, who is the one that can give me the actual power? No my boss, but my client.

My heart started pumping faster, should I contact him? Should I tell him my struggles? Am I too naive? Maybe. But I have nothing to loss, the worse case, I loss my job. I don’t care more, I just want myself back.

I tested him that I need to call him. He replied, “test me, I am in a meeting”. I know he is a tricky person, I wouldn’t leave any evidence. I wrote “it’s personal, I want to hear your voice.” He didn’t reply.

I called the father of my son, cos I really need a friend to talk to. He is always there when I have a breakdown, I think he knows how to calm me down. We chatted about half an hour, I told him I was no feeling good. This call really helped me.

Once I finished the call, I was a missing call, it was my client. He called me!

Immediately I call him, and we talked about half an hour too. I felt like I was a girl whose family didn’t like her, so she went out to look for a boyfriend for the companionship. He told me what I needed to do and I have it clear that what he says is actually what I am good at.

I will come back stronger and I know it!