Thoughts of having a newborn

For the past two months, my life changed dramatically! I've always been an independent and strong woman, I thought just having a child wouldn't be that difficult, at least I am a project manager who can manage a team of hundreds.

Overall, things go well with me. My baby boy is a very good team. First he “danced” with me perfectly and gave me a very smooth and positive vaginal birth experience, then he latched perfectly with his baby instinct and I have enough milk supply to nurse him. He grows almost at the infant growth curve median. He loves me singing to him and now he smiles at 2-month age:) I am incredibly proud of my baby and myself.

Despite the felicity of having a new life in the house, the hardest difficulty is the feeling of losing control! Lose control of your schedule, lose control of your body, lose control of emotion.

1. Lose control of schedule

My biological clock is always on time, sleep at 1 am, wake up at 8, and deviation within 10 minutes. But the first 20 nights, the baby woke me up 3 times. When the sun rises, comes my mom to help me, and then I can sleep 3 hours in the morning. It's like torture, I want to do my own things in the daytime, but I am too tired to open my eyes. It feels like I am accumulating the pending to-dos, I don't like this feeling of not getting things done.

As time went by, around one month, he woke me up twice. By the 50th day, he only woke me up once during my night sleep. Little by little, his stomach gets mature and can contain more milk.

This two-month experience has taught me a lot. Can I get things done as I want? You have to be patient. It takes time to make my baby grow and make me better. Therefore, if you feel helpless and everything is so chaotic. Just be patient. No need to get depressed. Things are going to get better. You and your baby will grow together.

2. Lose control of your body

At first, my postpartum recovery went well, but by the 5th week, I started to feel pain in the vaginal area.

I went to my OB and checked. This resulted that there was a teeny tiny spot of my side cut that was not healed. It was so small that only sized like a pen point. My OB told me not to worry, it was very small, and with some antibiotics, it could heal in 5 days.

No matter how tiny the wound was, I couldn't sit well, couldn't walk long, and even couldn't feed my baby without feeling pain down there. I felt desperate and lost control of my own body. I was crying as to why I couldn't heal the wound. I want my freedom of movement back!

The same, only patient! Only time can heal.

3. Lose control of emotions

About the emotions, everything is so exciting at the beginning. There is someone new in our lives. I threw out my work and relaxed in my home with the new baby, felt excellent.

But as time goes by, as the household chores increase, a feeling of unfairness arises spontaneously. Because I feel that my family and I are doing way more than the baby’s dad and his family. Some friends told me that the relationship would become fragile during the first months of the baby’s life because the parents need to find a new balance in their own lives. While knowing this, still I feel bothered by the behavior of the other side.

We had some fights. Including I wanted him out of my life and my baby's life. But my mom told me that it's also difficult for him to adapt to this change in life, give him some time. After a fight, he also shows a willingness to take care more out the baby, so by now we keep adapting and hoping things can get better.

I guess the wisdom of the generation before us is to treat each other with patience.

In the end, I learned that patience is the most important thing when life changes, and being positive is essential to maintaining a healthy life with a newborn.